Everyone, of course! No one stands against kindness,
consideration and care, especially towards those who are suffering. But does compassion look the same to
everyone? Are there differences in how
community groups see compassion? What behaviours are seen positively? What may not be viewed as acceptable? In achieving goals towards creating and
building compassionate communities, and especially in helping children to
develop positive social and emotional skills, we must take into account
diversity in viewpoints which may stem from background, family group, cultural
group, or socio-economic situation. What may be seen and accepted as
compassionate behaviour by some, may be viewed as a public display of what
should remain private by others. At the
February 17th event sponsored by the Dalai Lama Center and Frog
Hollow Neighbourhood House, I asked members of diverse communities within the
larger community what compassion means to them, how they see their dreams as
similar or different from others, and what, from their perspective, needs attention
in order to honour viewpoints of different groups within the larger community.
I spoke with Julio who hails from Ecuador. Thrilled about this project and his involvement
in it, he says that in Latin American countries people are inclined to be more
demonstrative in expressing affection and compassion than he has noticed
here. He was surprised when he first
came to Canada to see people shaking hands upon meeting rather than throwing
their arms around each other. Open
connection is not held back in Latin America.
Hearts and hugs are visible at home and on the street, between the sexes
and age groups. Based on a strong sense
of family and its extension into the larger community, Julio supports any and
all efforts to bring more compassion to the community, whether it is through individual
connections, schools, churches or community agencies. He thought it important
for there to be some explicit understandings of differing cultural norms, so
that we all recognize compassion in its various expressions.
For East Asians, compassion, though very important, may
appear much more reserved in public expression.
If a friend or family is in difficulty and really needs a helping hand,
the issue is usually handled within the family circle. Bringing problems to
community attention may be seen as a disgrace.
Louisa, working at Kiwassa Neighbourhood House, told me a little of her
own background, how she recognizes the sacrifices made by her parents in coming
to Canada, and that she learned compassion from their actions. It is important for Louisa to reach out to
others, beyond her own family, offering compassion through her work and
community. She is able to bridge the
cultural perspectives between home and the broader community. She explained that many East Asian families,
though very social with friends and family, may feel wary of helping
strangers. They may need to be “eased”
in to such notions and programs. She
felt that inviting immigrant families of various groups to share in meals, for
example, each having the opportunity to learn about the other, would help. Language assistance would need to be
available, as well as financial consideration so that everyone could feel included. The more compassion shown to new families, she
felt, the more they would be open to showing compassion to others. For children, the same applies. If given compassion in community centres, day
care programs, neighbourhood houses, and schools, Louisa says we need to see
beyond the child, as an individual, and the program, as the method. To inspire
the cultivation of compassion, care and confidence, those who work with
children must recognize issues that may be present in the child’s family –
health, economics, family dynamics all need to be brought into awareness – this
is compassion at work. Louisa proudly explained
how her work with Kiwassa Neighbourhood House demonstrates this kind of
compassionate caring.
Jagjit, born in India, pointed out that compassion is an essential
and integral part of South Asian family life.
Although there are definite cautions about showing compassion and
affection publicly, she says that family members of all ages are steeped in a
tradition that honours elders and children and promotes respect, compassion and
charity for all. She wishes to see such
a tradition incorporated here, in families, schools and community. She told me the story of Bhagat Puran Singh, known
sometimes as “the bearded Mother Teresa,” himself a poor man from Lahore, who faced
and overcame many societal obstacles in order to help a boy suffering from
leprosy. From his effort grew a huge
movement of compassion, culminating in the building of Pingalwara, a home in
Amritsar for those whose lives are dependent on others. Singh was devoted to the “selfless service of
humanity” through his philanthropic work, his writings and his promotion of environmental
care. Today, South Asians world-wide
donate to the good works provided by the Pingalwara – hospital care, housing and
educational opportunities. Through the
telling of such stories, she, as a grandmother, teaches her grandchildren and
others a fine example of compassion. Her tradition teaches that the community
must provide food, water, clothing and shoes to all. No one is to be seen as an enemy. Everyone is considered equal. Compassion, she says, is advanced by making
and serving community meals at temples, where groups of people from all age
groups prepare food together and feed anyone who comes to eat. She exhorts all to continue with such community
and multi-age programs. When she looks
at immigration practices, she feels strongly that this is another area where compassion
can be served. Credentials from other
countries are often not recognized, placing many families in difficult economic
straits on top of being newcomers to Canada.
Compassion is something natural, a way of life, passed on by
example of parents. Stories, time spent
with children, all can model a compassionate way of being. Jagjit’s gratitude to her own parents and
family is evident as she credits her sense of cooperation, compassion and
confidence to them. Schools and parents
need to live these values and teach them through the relationships developed
with children.
In schools, more and more we are seeing the
implementation of mindfulness programs, abuse-prevention programs, Friends for
Life programs, and more, all of which help develop compassion through their
delivery. Individual teachers who model
compassion themselves make a huge difference.
Building trust and helping children learn about the realities of others
can open pathways for developing students’ social-emotional skills and lifelong
compassionate behaviour.
